Before Lynae, my heart was just sitting lifeless in my chest. I wasn't living. I've hidden away the shame and the regret for so long, that I never thought anyone could break through. She did that, and so much more.
I need Lynae more than I need air to breathe. She is everything to me. The night Lynae walked into my life, I knew that I would never be the same. My heart started to feel again.
Now that I've pushed her away, the walls that I had built stand to destroy us. I have to get her back. I can't live without her.
She is the one thing in this world that can make my heart beat.
Moving cautiously forward, I close some of the distance between us. The sight of her, her smell washing over me, has my hands itching to reach out and feel her in my arms again. “God, Sweetness. I've missed you so much.” I keep stepping forward until I’m standing right behind her. I’m only a foot away, and I can hear her breaths coming out in quick pants.
Lynae turns around, leaning against the counter, but keeps her head down. “What are you doing here, Connor?”
I hold my hand up to lift her chin, but she pulls away, turning her face to the side, refusing to look me in the eyes. “Please look at me.” I bend my knees, bringing us face to face. The pain I see reflected back when our eyes collide rips at my chest. Tears are pooling in her eyes. “I love you, baby. Please talk to me. Say something. Anything.”
Lynae’s bottom lip trembles. “What do you want me to say?”
I know what I want her to say. I want her to say that she loves me and that we can go back to the way things were. “Say whatever you need to say to me. Just talk to me.” I reach out again to trace her bottom lip with my thumb and cup her cheek. This time she doesn't pull away, she closes her eyes and lets me hold her face. “Please.”
“I can’t do this, Connor. I just can't.” her voice cracks.
“Can’t do what? Can’t love me? Please, you have to forgive me. I am so sorry for hurting you.”
Lynae grabs my wrist in her tiny fingers and pulls my hand away from her face. She tries to push me away, then places her palms flat against her stomach. I fall to my knees, reach out and wrap my arms around her waist pulling her to me, and bury my face against her belly. “Connor!” she gasps.
“Please, Lynae. I’m begging you. I need you. Please tell me that you still love me.” I can feel tears pricking my own eyes. My throat feels like it may close up from the gut wrenching pain I’m bulldozing through me.
Lynae’s hands find their way into my hair. She doesn’t push me away, she lightly runs her fingers through my unruly hair. This small sign of affection gives me hope. “It’s not that I don’t love you, Connor. It’s just-“
“Just what? Sweetness, I will never forgive myself for what happened. I can’t even begin to imagine how much you must hate me, but I’m asking you to please give me another chance.” I beg looking up into her eyes so full of pain.
“I don’t hate you. I wish I could, but I can’t. I still love you, and that’s what makes this so hard.”
Liz King is a wife, nurse and romance book blogger. In A Heartbeat is her debut novel. She lives in South Carolina with her family. Reading is a passion of hers, and writing is always something she wanted to do. Liz is addicted to gummy bears and coffee, even though her family and friends don’t think she needs caffeine to add to her already energetic personality. She’s obsessed with the 1980’s and loves to sing even though she can’t carry a tune. Liz loves college football and hiking in the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Great Smoky Mountains with her husband.